You know, the truth is that I had these big, big dreams. Part of it was writerly bravado. Part of it was my teaching career mishaps. Part of it was my handy-dandy, use-on-special-occasions Cancer Card/entrance pass.
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Jackie Jae Cowsill! |
Basically, I had this sense that my book was the best thing
I had ever written, like it was good.
I suppose I might write something better someday, but this is what that cancer
diagnosis really does: It Says, Maybe You
Won’t.
(Listen, I’m not going to play games with you. I survived. The
book did not come out on my deathbed. I’m supposedly cancer-free. Cold Comfort,
kinda.)
I must admit that this book and its debut and all of the
surrounding propaganda has been marked by urgency and grand gestures. It has
this dismal publishing history. And this was NOT the book I wanted to lose in
the mess of my own ugly drama. This book meant something to me. It meant a lot.
It was my wedding ring,
my children tucked into bed,
the papers that I’d hand over if the Gestapo came for me in the
night,
my confession of faith,
the content of any vow I made,
my cancer survivor stats explained.
This was me sleeping
before dying.
And so, with no experience whatsoever, I decided to make an
audiobook. Really, that’s why.
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Joe Bauman! |

I needed to be the one to narrate. I need to enunciate and
emphasize and bedraggle the emotional landscape appropriately. I’d be the one
to mess with it.
The audiobook is live
now. Will I do it again? I actually don’t know.
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